Falling Away

I periodically rummage through my online data, sifting out the trash from my growing digital footprint.  While happily sorting I came upon a blog written in 2005 with some of my colleagues at school, exploring "Web 2.0" skills.  It's a boring discussion, as most educational blogs are, but as I read through the comments, I realized that some of the voices blogging on that page have passed away. Good friends and colleagues leaving their impression on a topic that is, to most, a dusty piece of edu-jargon, speak to me again and I'm smiling, but also tearing up a little.

Things are forever falling away.  That's not to sound macabre. It is a fundamental aspect of our existence.

I spent a rather grueling 3 days in a silent meditation retreat.  It was painful.  I wasn't used to sitting half-lotus for more than 15 minutes at a time.  I was hoping, as all retreat goers do, for a miraculous insight into the this-ness of being.  I just knew, if I could avoid letting my mind focus on the future or past, I would be, if not peaceful, at least a better person. It didn't work out that way. The only thing I took with me was our teacher's constant reminder to let thought, emotion, sensation, all rise up, acknowledge them, and then be present as they pass away.  It helps.  But it hurts.

Back to the present.  I can smile knowing that my friends no longer suffer.  I can honor their lives best by acknowledging their memory and remaining present as their words pass before me.  I honor them with the most fundamental aspect of being:  breathing in and breathing out.