Remembering to remember to remember

I'm not sure that being aware of the cyclical nature of my mind is a good thing. Over the course the last few days, I've moved from nervousness to despair to joy and then just when I thought the roller coaster couldn't get any crazier, I had one of those odd moments of clarity. I'm not sure what the cause was... maybe the chill of the air, the warmth of the sun, or just the realization that my heart was beating too fast. Whatever it was, it brought me back to my self.

I know this is going to be the cycle of life, not that anything is really drastic, or that my emotions are uncontrollable, but that I ignore the beauty of this present moment when I'm focused so mindlessly on the future or on the past. So much pain that is so easily avoidable.

Grant, being the wonderful partner he is, found this lovely Buddha, who now has a home on my desk, and occasionally uses his slightly alien gaze to remind me that it's not really all that important to do anything but breathe, laugh, love, and create. I get to do those things every day. I'm so unbelievably lucky that I get to do those things every day.

When I do focus on the present, I realize that I am in the midst of joy. Sometimes, during the Eucharist a chill still flows down my spine when I hear the words, "it is right and a good and joyful thing always and everywhere to give praise to you." I have quite a few differences of opinion with regard to the gender of who we might be saying these things to, or if in fact there is a thing to say them to at all, but whoever wrote those words gets it. Perhaps the quote should read," it is right and a good and joyful thing always and everywhere to be present." I can buy that theology.